This is why Fark has a Florida tag for bizarre stories
"A naked man was accidentally [yeah, right] shocked in the genitals by a Taser after he was found breaking windows in Bonita Springs and asking women to touch him inappropriately" -- that's just one of the many strange and twisted tales to come out of Florida in 2005
-- St. Pete Times, 12/29/05

City police, worker's unions: "morale is at an all-time low"
That's funny... Venice Florida! dot com's Patten said that at the last council meeting and was basically called a liar for some twenty minutes or so; Herald-Trib given a warm welcome to the New Venice Liar's Club
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/28/05

Tech 2005 in review: a disastrous year for privacy rights
Between the Patriot Act, the RIAA and Hollywood, you can pretty much kiss goodbye to any privacy you thought you had -- Big Brother is watching and he's brought along a lot of friends
RELATED: Mom takes on the RIAA -- alone!!
-- Wired, 12/28/05

Say, here's a thought... what if we took all of the city's power and consolidated it into the city manager's office? What could possibly go wrong?
Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/28/05

A MUST-READ ARTICLE:
North Port's war on the Myakka River
H-T's Bill Hutchinson turns in an amazing, well researched article on North Port and the city's ambivalence to the world around it; among the scary ironies is North Port's duplicitous and incredibly idiotic renaming of wetland areas to "hydric soil" -- wetlands need to be protected for environmental and flood-prevention reasons, but "hydric soil?" Who cares about "hydric soil?"
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/26/05

It's just another $20 million of municipal debt, don't worry about it
City borrowed $20 million in 2001 in a little-known bond deal, then asked voters for another $10 million in 2003, but it's no big deal... maybe
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/23/05

The Four Horseman have mounted their steeds, the Apocalypse is nigh
Council, Boone, Miller, Taxpayers League all agree: the CMU is a vaguely written and bad ordinance
These four in agreement about anything is a sure sign of the Apocalypse -- kind of makes you wonder now why anyone was in favor of the CMU ordinance to begin with
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/22/05

The Bait and Switch Chronicles
Gondo comes to its own defense in VCC hurricane shelter debacle
City's flip-flop on what the renovations were intended for needs to be addressed
-- editorial, Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/21/05

The Bait and Switch Chronicles
Myers: Hurricane shelter plan is 10% better than 100%
Hurricane will cause real estate bonanza as all of the stupid people and their stupid pets will be drowned in a human fishbowl only 20 feet above sea level, city can then eminent domain their land; the plan is absolutely brilliant and now the former councilman is "pissed" at Pam Johnson for letting the drowned cat out of the bag
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/21/05

Miller backs off of Manhattan Project... sort of
Developer cites confusion on the part of city council in interpreting a law that his own attorney helped to draft; this, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that the real estate market suddenly stopped booming
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/21/05

Barefoot Bay becoming less than thrilled with George Hunt
Former Venice city manager is denied a raise; community board members unhappy over incomplete financial reports and employee complaints -- gee, where have we heard this before?
-- TCPalm (free registration required), 12/13/05

The Bait and Switch Chronicles
Gondo attacks city on evacuation shelter that never was
Marty Black and Pam Johnson try to tell media and Tax Oversight Committee that they have the story all wrong, that the Venice Community Center was never intended as a hurricane shelter; committee and Gondo cry foul
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 12/18/05

Herald-Trib pisses in the wind in editorial on Venice's day in Federal court
"At the appropriate time, officials must tell the public why the dumping occurred and who was involved" -- yeah, that is so likely to happen..... NOT!
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/16/05

Gondo's City Notes column gives a little mention of the city's day in Federal court
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/16/05

Feds now holding grand jury hearings aimed at city higher-ups
Taxpayers on the hook for close to $1 million in court costs and legal fees -- hmmm, didn't we warn you about this last month? Yes -- yes we did
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/15/05

City, Boone, Miller on the CMU ordinance they created: we be confoozed
After pushing hard for passage, developer Mike Miller and attorney Jeff Boone now have no clue how to interpret the law they created; what makes this particularly ironic is that this is EXACTLY what Vice-Mayor John Moore predicted would happen if the law was passed
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/15/05

Bush defends Patriot Act, quoted as referring to U.S. Constitution as "just a g*dd*mn*d piece of paper"
Online news provider Capitol Hill Blue takes heat for report; site stands by its report and defends its sourcing in follow-up article
-- Capitol Hill Blue, 12/09 and 12/11/05

Marathon yak session set for this Tuesday in council chambers
Making up for lost time, council will plow through a number of important topics like... proclaiming December 14 as City of Venice Planning Commission Day? ...Planning Commission Day??? How many other cities have had a proclaimed Planning Commission Day? According to this search on Google, none that we can find
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/11/05

Worker privacy: you have none
For some reason, this common sense rule still amazes people: when you are using a computer owned by someone other than yourself, like the one at work or even at the library, you have no legal right to any expectation of privacy -- behave yourself accordingly
-- Wired, 12/09/05

Book covers 'excruciating years' in police department under old boss, Slapp
"The time will come when you will meet a scumbag who needs to go to jail. Now there is a possibility that you may be short on probable cause, but don't worry about that, we'll come up with the cause later."
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/10/05

Get ready for the crash
Venice's Ned Davis Research (web site), one of the most respected financial research think-tanks in the country, is predicting a crash in housing, real estate in southwest Florida; other financial wizards nod in agreement
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/08/05

Burning down the house
Ah the joys of growth: Mike Miller's Waterford buys family house; former owner gets to watch his home of 40 years deliberately burned to the ground
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/08/05

City's planning commission to county planner: FOAD!
Scott Heinig has a very, very, very bad day at work
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 12/07/05

Police Exclude Testy Activists from circus statue unveiling
Police Chief Hanks to PETA: "No -- because I said so... you can sue me later"
BONUS: Comments on this story from Fark
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/07/05

I hate Icon Homes
Port Charlotte home builder Icon Homes has a motto: "Excellence has never been more defined;'' more like "defiled," says this disgruntled homeowner who is so angry, he started a web site (with almost hilarious photo gallery goodness)
-- I Hate Icon Homes dot com

Union Missionary Baptist Church reopens
After a couple of years of haggling with the city over sewage spills that forced the predominantly black church to close, city officials and church leaders celebrate the grand reopening of the still unfinished sanctuary
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 12/04/05

Cops stare in disgusted disbelief at the dangling carrot
City hall's offer to cops: sell out a disabled officer and we'll give you all a nice fat check in time for Christmas -- is there anyone within the walls of city hall that has the slightest sliver of a clue about how cops actually think?
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 12/02/05

Pooped-on church nearly finished, to reopen
Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Mayor Calamaras to lead a reopening parade on December 3, will tout what a wonderful job the city has done in helping the church; one fact not mentioned in either story: City dumped raw sewage into city's only black-congregated church three times over a two year period while the uninstalled flapper valve that could have prevented the spills collected dust in a warehouse -- the third spill is the one that ultimately caused the church to close
-- both stories 11/30/05

City turns off, tunes out, cops drop out
The exodus has begun -- would the last cop leaving the police station please turn the lights out?
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/26/05

If you knock on my door, I'm not coming out
Herald-Trib turns the tables on Venice Florida! dot com's Patten -- good thing they missed this; Patten's response: "All in all, a pretty fair assessment, but why did they have to pick on my furniture? What did my furniture ever do to them?"
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/26/05

How to put the Boone law firm out of business -- Step one: the county level
Citizens for Sensible Growth is about to pee in a lot of bowls of Wheaties and that's a good thing
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/27/05

Go to this web site and sign this petition -- NOW!!!
Tired of developers and their corporate ownership of local governments? Now is your chance to do more than just say "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more!"
-- Citizens for Sensible Growth

Hurricane shelter con job? A con job? In Venice? Unpossible!
Quote from City Manager Marty Black: "Did all of the people involved know the difference between a disaster shelter and an evacuation shelter? Yes. Did they make sure everyone in the general public understood that? As it would appear, maybe not...;" Gondo cites George Hunt as primary offender, but this site remembers that Mayor Dean Calamaras, Planning Commissioner Jim Myers and Hunt all sang in harmony during the campaign to promote the bond back in 2003
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 11/18/05

A piece of Mayberry will go Manhattan
"The impending demise of the White Dove Apartments might be a sign of what's on the horizon for Venice" -- might be? MIGHT BE???
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/19/05

Red tide forum reveals cause of gastric disorder suffered by panelists
In a truly strange coincidence, most involved in forum apparently suffer from the same bizarre colon blockage caused by self-cranial insertion -- gee, what are the odds?
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 11/18/05

Developers cry foul as voter initiatives approach
"It never ends, does it?" one developer moans of the initiatives that would make land-clearing and bulldozing more difficult -- won't somebody think of the children of developers and their attorneys?
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/18/05

Tim Polito, American Hero
In a scene eerily reminiscent of the opening moments of the socio-political spoof Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, this rental boat captain isn't budging in spite of the approaching bulldozers
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/18/05

Cops on Matrix, part deux
Venice is one of the safest communities in America thanks to "smart criminals" that avoid the town; in other news, local chapter of Hell's Grannies still terrorizing downtown merchants, shoppers flee for their lives
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 11/16/05

City manager says he can't properly supervise police, fire chiefs under current rules
That's odd... it never stopped George Hunt...
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/15/05

Here/there comes/goes the neighborhood -- yet more affordable rentals eliminated, to be replaced by pricey condos
Blue collars out, blue bloods in as Venice prepares for the continuing wrinkle wave
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/14/05

Gambling, the mob, murder, Claude Pepper, Republican fund raising -- welcome to South Florida
Dan Hopsicker's latest article draws some interesting lines between previously unconnected dots in the Sunshine State
-- Mad Cow Morning News, 11/10/05

New police chief search begins, city wants more secrecy
Proposed charter changes would mean cops could be placed on double secret probation without the peskiness of having the public know; Dean Wormer unavailable for comment
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 11/13/05

Cops aren't being fired -- well, that's true, sort of...
What the Gondo doesn't tell you: two quit earlier this year, two just resigned this week to take jobs elsewhere, more are applying for jobs with other departments; Moses unavailable for comment
-- letters, Venice Gondolier-Sun, 11/13/05

Cops on Matrix Report: social science fiction
Police refuse to take either the blue or the red pill, offer up their own in-house stats instead
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 11/11/05

How we are seen by others: "...and the pigs down south in Venice"
Do you ever get the feeling that everyone else is in on the joke except you?
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/10/05

Tacy reelected
Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Tacy in for third term in election that spawned massive advertising spending by the CQG and the lowest voter turnout in years; Anderson to be euthanized at local vet's office
-- both 11/09/05

CMU barely passes final reading, vote is 4-3 with Moore leading the dissent
Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Final wording of ordinance to include a cover with the word "PANIC" written on it in large, unfriendly letters
-- both 11/09/05

The butcher, the baker, the toilet seat maker
Gotta hand it to Hizzoner -- when he reads straight from the Boone script and doesn't improvise, he comes off as slicker than toad snot, which leads to an interesting question: is this town really dumb enough to believe this crap?
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/08/05

Breathalyzer company refuses to turn over source code
Court order instructs the State Attorney's Office to turn over the code to defense attorneys for analysis; CMI, the company that makes the device, says its their ball and everyone has to play by their rules
-- News Forge, 11/05/05

CMU before council for final vote on Tuesday
Residents complain that full details weren't disclosed
-- Venice Gondolier Sun 11/06/05

Tax/bond oversight committee meets for the first time... finally
Committee members complain that full details weren't available until minutes before the meeting -- are you beginning to see a pattern here?
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 11/06/05

Sony audio CDs now come with free Trojans
Playing Sony's CDs in your computer can open your system up to a variety of potentially serious hacks; Wired accuses the company of committing hacking crimes under the U.S. Computer Fraud and Abuse Act
-- Wired, 11/02/05

Breathalyzer decision rocks the tech world
Even the Electronic Frontier Foundation is watching this baby closely
-- vnuNet, 11/03/05

Cops vote to accept accept city's contract offer, city promptly pulls offer
Logic surrenders
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/02/05

Planning Commission approves four-story condo building in island residential area
"This is a monstrosity... [It's] just the first. There will be many more."
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 11/02/05

Dead men don't blog
Alternate headline: Stiff gets stiffed
Credit card stolen from corpse at Farley Funeral Home used in attempt to buy laptop computer, jailarity ensues
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 11/02/05

Trifecta of dumbness -- it's like George never left
1.Consolidation of power will mean city hall will have EVEN MORE power over the inner workings of police, fire departments (as though they haven't screwed things up enough); City Manager's title to be changed to Mein Fuhrer
2. FOP votes to accept contract, departmental lethal injection clause accepted
3. City still sweating out EPA's final sentencing for forging documents, etc., etc.; $1 million paid out so far to cover for criminal employees who have yet to be held accountable
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/30/05

Anderson to Gondo: I'll pass on the drinks, got any coffee?
Council candidate does the politically unthinkable: refers to a newspaper as a "rag" in print and sends it -- this can only end in flames
-- letters, Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/30/05

Gondo has a beer and chaser with Tacy
Anderson refuses to play by the rules
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/28/05

About those pigs
A journalism professor in Philadelphia blogs about Pigs in Paradise
-- Susan Jacobson's blog

Captain Obvious swings at Gondo with a clue hammer, misses
"Source code is the engine that drives a computer, experts said" -- so would that be a six or an eight cylinder engine?
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/28/05

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/26/05

NO, REALLY: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE IN PAIN AND AGONY AND FLAMES AND STUFF!!!
-- Fark, 10/28/05

Council, city hall need to share the blame in Matrix
Ray Davies, VPD's first canine officer (retired for several years), voices his thoughts on the morale problems at the cop shop
-- letters, Sarasota Herald-Tribune 10/26/05

Who's the most famous attorney in the Venice area? Hint: it ain't who you think it is
Tech world focuses on Venice: Local attorney Robert Harrison is waging a technical and legal war against what he believes is outdated and misused breathalyzer technology in DUI cases. He wants the source code for the mini-computers inside the machines as part of discovery. Harrison's quest has very, very, very far-reaching implications, well beyond just DUI cases. The guarded secrecy of source codes for a variety of government computing devices, including voting machines, is at serious and much-deserved risk. This is a fact not lost on programmers and geek bloggers worldwide who are cheering Harrison on in his fight for an open door into the world of government computing.
A small sample of geek blog and tech news links:
Closed source breathalyzer on trial
-- ZDNet, 10/25/05
Breathalyzers and open source
-- Freedom to Tinker, 10/21/05
I'm not drunk, your software is
-- vnuNet, 10/20/05
Drunk drivers ask judge to open breathalyzer source code
-- Silicon Valley Sleuth, 10/19/05
DUI case may set black box voting precedent
-- BrainShrub, 10/20/05
Floridians arrested for DUIs demand to see source code
-- Fark, 10/23/05
and even more links: Google search results

Council gets Booned; city's planning staff sighs contentedly, rolls over and smokes a cigarette
CMU passes first reading; best quote comes from Councilman John Simmonds: "If we pass these ideas, they'll still be open to revisions should you all come to your senses"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 10/26/05

Matrix Report presented to council, elected officials shocked to discover that VPD has no spoon
Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Chief Hanks admits that the department also doesn't have any of those cool slow-motion bullets
-- both 10/26/05

Venice escapes Wilma's worst
No major power outages, a few roofs get creamed and that's about it
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/25/05

Readjusting Dan Boone's meds
See the "One letter, three lies" link below for an explanation
-- letters, Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/23/05

Matrix: Cops have a huge morale problem
H-T isn't quite sure how to fix it, but wants it done fast
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/22/05

"What a dog"
Dan Boone is at it again, turns over a pile 'o papers on Gary Anderson to the Herald-Trib; Venice Florida! dot com's Amos gets a nice mention
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/22/05

One letter, three lies
One of Dan Boone's caregivers apparently fell asleep while Boone snuck off to a closet and typed this letter; our response: senility sucks
-- letters, Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/21/05

Where's Anderson?
After Gary Anderson filed for candidacy, he was abducted by aliens and taken to the planet Tralfamadore; Gondo apparently missed seeing the widely reported saucers in the skies
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/21/05

Matrix Report pops cops, suggests lops
Too many police have caused chronic donut shortage in city; Matrix Consulting Group recommends a public/private partnership between the city and Krispy Kreme
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/21/05

Our city gets a CMU -- ooooh, more condos -- whoop-de-doo
Meanwhile, from major cities like Philadelphia to third world towns like Douala, Camaroon, there are actually folks with vision
-- Wired, 10/19/05

Truck? What truck?
Gondo goes after the VPD for non-enforcement of traffic laws; Gondo reporters expected to receive higher-than-average traffic citations in near future
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/16/05

Matrix Report prelims: Venice cops don't write enough tickets
Report also states that internal investigations are a shambles; in other news, grass is green, sky is blue
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 10/14/05

Eat at Doug's
From the Somehow-We-Missed-This-Story Dept.: How do you like your manatee steak? Cajun-style or plain with A-1 sauce?
-- Orlando Weekly, 05/22/03

Rock Show at the Concertgebow?
Not exactly, but the Venice Airport is going to be a bit noisy this weekend as Skillet and several other nationally known Christian rock acts will be grinding their axes -- ShoutFest is coming to Venice (WARNING: first old fart who posts a negative comment on the message board will be photoshopped with really big breasts)
-- VeniceArena.com

CMU gets a hose job
This in spite of the fact that nobody has run any of the legal language past the city attorney... again... George Hunt's glorious legacy lives on
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 10/12/05

Recipe Corner: Spotlight on Calamari Souffl
story ||| editorial
Take the open finance director's position, add pork, cheese, milk, eggs and the mayor's face -- enjoy!
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/08/05

CMU up for council vote
story ||| editorial
Issue will decide the fate of downtown skyline, Mike Miller's Manhattan Project for downtown and development attorney Jeff Boone's future bank balance -- Are you ready to rumble?
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 10/09/05

Here comes World War III
Bush said: "God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East" (last paragraph); God is telling everyone else to hide under their beds
-- Haaretz.com (major Israeli newspaper), 10/06/05
-- Bonus link: comments on this story from Fark

Mayor Calamaras' choice for finance director under fire here and at home
Hizzoner turns in another banged up performance as his finance director candidate, William Poling, is taking some serious heat in New Smyrna Beach
In a pair of stories filed by the Daytona News-Journal, NSB's city commission is clashing with Poling over their bafflement of impact fees and unusual circumstances in the city's utilities budget; meanwhile, the Herald-Tribune is reporting that Calamaras somehow glossed over the fact that Poling filed for bankruptcy in 1995
-- News-Journal stories filed on 10/01/05, Herald-Trib story filed on 10/06/05

Mayor to name new Finance Director
Any time Hizzoner gets his finger in the pie, bells and alarms should go off, this time is no exception -- William Poling from New Smyrna Beach is the mayor's choice
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 10/05/05

Now that's some great propaganda: Venice didn't annex enough over past ten years
City claims that we'd be in better shape if we had gobbled up more land over the past ten years, Gondo prints it as gospel, doesn't even blink; somewhere out there, Goebbels is smiling: "See, I told you it would work!"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 10/05/05

Planning commish Osmulsky and the big lie: "You either have density or you have sprawl"
Osmulsky promotes the big lie in a push for a more growth-aggressive comprehensive plan -- there is actually a third choice, but neither Osmulsky or the Herald-Trib want you to know about it; Herb Levine available for comment but nobody's ringing him up
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/05/05

FEMA no longer hiding involvement in loan shark biz, threatens to break knees of Charley victims who don't pay up
In other news, writers for The Sopranos are scripting a massive hurricane that will hit New Jersey
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 10/04/05

Development attorney Jeff Boone: "[Ed] Martin should not write columns"
Our response:
Dear Jeff
There's a lot of folks in this town who happen to think that you shouldn't practice law. Unfortunately for Venice, it is a free country.
-- letters, Venice Gondolier Sun, 10/02/05

Come to Florida, eat a bullet
And you wondered why the tourists aren't coming: British gun control ad campaign warns UK residents that all Floridians carry guns and have bad tempers; former city manager George Hunt unavailable for comment
-- The Scotsman, 10/01/05

The solutions to the energy crisis are clear
Take the golf clubs out of your trunk and other nifty ideas that'll give you that warm, fuzzy feeling that you are somehow helping out; in other news, big oil profits are soaring
-- editorial, Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/30/05

Herald-Trib wakes up, smells the poopage
The exploding sewers, one of Venice's wondrous tourist attractions, has the H-T scratching its head; city's utilities head Sharek is also dumbfounded, decides to contemplate navel instead
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/29/05

Planning Commissioner Jim Myers: Venice citizens are rude and ought to be ashamed of themselves
Boone proposal goes down the tubes due to citizen outcry; too bad you can't have them arrested, eh Jimbo?
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 09/21/05

Mayor Calamaras gets bitter, blames the Taxpayers League for city's bloated budget
Hizzoner and the Gondo forget to mention that Calamaras is currently being sued for the arrest of a VTL member at a budget meeting in 2002; Gondo also forgets the mayor's famous on-the-record invitation to anyone who might get vocal about the city's spending: "Anybody else wish to come forward and get arrested?"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 09/18/05

Konecnik gets disconnected
City tells the would-be developer to go do something that is anatomically impossible
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/19/05

The camel's nose is under the tent: Konecnik causing a conniption
The biggest threat to passage of Boone and Miller's CMU plans are competing developers
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/16/05

CMU and council: stalling for time
If you are on council facing a room full of angry citizens and a few expectant political puppetmasters, what do you do? Delay the vote, of course, hopefully until there isn't a room full of angry citizens
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/14/05

Boone burned as his CMU plans start going down in flames
Golden boy's touch ain't what it used to be -- council takes a dim view of his vision of a towering Venice
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/14/05

Infrastructure? What's that?
Growth isn't necessarily a bad thing but it would be nice if sewers and roads could actually support it
-- letters, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/13/05

A tale of two city papers -- split opinions on CMU
Gondo editorial ||| H-T editorial
If council passes the CMU (Commercial Mixed Use), the city will make it immensely easier for height restrictions all through downtown to get tossed in the dumper; Herald-Trib misses the point, endorses the CMU; Gondo reads the fine print, says no way
-- 09/11/05 & 09/13/03

All bow before the majestic awesomeness that is Jeff Boone and the CQG
In order to get onto city council, you must first suck from the land developer teat; Boone, of course, denies ability to lactate
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/11/05

What's good for Miller and the Boones isn't good for anyone else
John Konecnik tries to jump on the CMU bandwagon with yet more condos; Fred Hammett doesn't like it because the Boones didn't think of it
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/11/05

Tacy, Anderson city council bout set to go
Moore slides in for second term unopposed; Amos stretches, scratches self, goes back to sleep
-- Sarasota Herald-Truibune, 09/10/05

$5 million for a streetlight -- the golden days of city pork projects have returned
City Attorney jokingly considers a career change as there's more money in road construction (Trivia question of the week: why was Spiro Agnew sent to prison?)
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/09/05

Porn for the Venice target demographic
It's not just the internet -- porn has been around since before the Civil War; another shocker: kink ain't new either (article safe for work, just don't click on the "see photos" link until you get home)
-- Wired, 09/09/05

What if we had an election and nobody ran?
Tacy, Moore unopposed... so far; Amos considers another run
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/08/05

AFSCME approves contract
And it's election season -- probably just a coincidence; FOP still plans on playing the part of the spoiler (run, Rick, run)
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/07/05

Underpants gnomes hit police department... again; Herald-Trib doesn't buy it
1.) Stall union negotiations, get cops really pissed, then order a study on why cops are really pissed; do it again three years later, get same results, declare groundswell
2.) ???????
3.) Profit!!!!
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/06/05

Red Tide is gay
Tourist bureau adopts a don't ask, don't tell policy towards the aquatic pathogen, prefers to call it the Rainbow Tide
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/07/05

Venice Community Center contractor forgets the rules of Fight Club
City manager has to remind painting contractor that the first rule of using city contacts to get cost overrun money is to never talk about using city contacts to get cost overrun money
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 09/04/05

Hanks is now a lame duck
Venice's top cop announces his retirement, effective March 2006
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 09/02/05

'Tome' delay
Jon Stewart on the Bush administration and Iraq: "Is there any screw-up that they can't make seem like it was their plan all along?" (opens in new window)
-- video, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 08/31/05

Jon Stewart: Reinventing TV and the web
The Daily Show's Jon Stewart has caused a journalism revolution; for Stewart, it's all common sense in a day-to-day workplace
-- interview, Wired print edition, September 2005 issue

Battle of the bottles abandoned
Myers bows out of council race: "All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia;" Tacy finds himself alone in race, says "Cheers!"
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 08/31/05

Florida's newest export market: coconut shells for Monty Python reenactments in Scotland
Air speed of an African or European swallow carrying a coconut still unknown
-- Glasgow Daily Mail, 08/28/05

City boards may have broken the law
Venice? Venice city boards? Could have broken the law? Unpossible!
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/26/05

Darwin Award nominee was into SCUBA
Man pours gasoline on wife, sets fire on lawn; SWAT team arrives, man puts on SCUBA gear, points handgun at SWAT officers -- Darwinity ensues
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/26/05

Screw history
Venice Historical Archives gets the shaft. Again. (those who forget the past are... oh, forget it!)
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/26/05

Everybody ex parte tonight (everybody wang chung tonight)
Council votes to talk about anything anytime anywhere
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/24/05

Mohamed Atta's dad loves Venice
9/11 terrorist's pop vacationed here, FBI wergle floop ghdst vwqpsrt vbg bzzzzzzzz.......; Rosemary Wood unavailable for comment
-- Mad Cow Morning News, 08/24/05

Ooops, we almost did it again
Not content with giving the city manager a mere 10% raise, one councilman suggests an additional $5000, withdraws suggestion after beatdown from rest of council
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/24/05

City manager gets a 10% raise
To everyone else who works under him, we can only offer a hearty "Nyah nyah," cuz you ain't gettin' squat
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune 08/23/05

Miller's "Two Towers" at north end of town a symbol of bad things to come?
Condo boom brings dark skies, ominous future; Saruman unavailable for comment
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/22/05

Blue, white collar bleed
Employers can't find enough help as workers are moving away and their replacements can't afford to move here due to rising property values; here comes the social science (hey lookee -- Wal-Mart is hiring -- wahooooo!)
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/22/05

An unfair manipulation of the development-approval process
Herald-Trib throws in its 2 on Mike Miller's Manhattan Project, offering advice that will be unheeded and forgotten by tomorrow
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/20/05

"For many at Venice City Hall, it may seem as if Myers never left"
That explains the municipal purchase of industrial-sized drums of Glade Air Freshener
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/19/05

Battle of the bottles
Myers wants to to play quarters with Tacy for council seat, loser to get free inpatient care at Coastal Recovery; cops promise no DUI checkpoints during and after event
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/18/05

OMI takeover -- one year later
Here comes the new boss, same as the old boss; desktop wallpaper-sized pic of drinking water plant mislabeled as wastewater plant; oh and guys: just for the record, it was Venice Florida! dot com that nicknamed the purge of 2004 as "Bloody Tuesday"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/14/05

Florida Trifecta of Horror:
1.) FP&L electric rates to jump by 20%
2.) Try and buy homeowners insurance -- go ahead, I dare you
3.) Huge patch of nearby gulf floor is now void of all life, sound
Put away the Stephen King, these are the scariest articles you'll read in a loooooo-ooong time; oh, and some consultant wants to widen I-75 to ten lanes
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/12/05

County wants our water
Here's a thought -- let's just give them the entire utilities department, they couldn't screw it up any worse than we have
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/12/05

Code board gets pissy
Tinpot tyrants want to be free of cumbersome things like legal advice
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/12/05

Council wants to Ex Parte like it's 1989
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/10/05

Grieving dog owner digs and digs until she has enough dirt to get charges filed in serial doggie killing case
Mary Ellen Whitehead -- hero of the month
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/09/05

Clear as mud: Ex Parte communications and Mike Miller's Manhattan Project
"City hall has been flooded with negative e-mails the past several weeks from residents opposed to Miller's development"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/07/05

The birth of the Ponzi
An odd story about stormwater utilities reveals how Venice got into its present millage reduction crunch
"When Venice established its utility in 1995, the then-city manager lowered the millage rate so that however much money was collected for the stormwater utility, an equal amount was removed from the general fund"
(Venice is mentioned and highlighted several times in the article)
-- Stormwater Professional Journal, sometime in 2000

Pennywise the Clown to Fairway Village Homeowner's Association: "You'll all float!"
Almost ousted mom gets to stay, foreclosure halted; in other news, who knew Tim Curry was a Shriner?
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/06/05

A little power can go to the head
Code enforcement board gets a taste of blood, likes it: "These people thumbed their nose at us... Let justice be served"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 08/06/05

A lot of power can really go to the head
Fairway Village Homeowner Association sharks move in to oust single mom, seize ownership of house; kids to be referred to as chum
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune

Cops in the crossfire
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/03/05

Community activist and VTL member Peter Macdonald dies
Gondo Story ||| Herald-Trib story
-- both 08/03/05

Store Wars, Episode IV: The Death Melon
May the Farm be with you
-- Organic Trade Association

Architectural Review Borg to businesses: "You will be assimilated"
Northern Italian Renaissance style? Has anyone on the Borg ever actually been to northern Italy?
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 08/02/05

All them pregnant white girls look the same
VPD is on the lookout for a bad check passer with a "Goodyear" tattoo
-- Venice Gondolier-Sun, 07/31/05

Kido 1994 - 2005
-- Venice FOP 07/30/05

The children are a discipline problem?
Asshat writes letter that implies that abused toddlers at church-run daycare had it coming, gets ass and hat handed to him in five (count 'em) brutal responses; Jonathan Swift unavailable for comment
Original letter from Dan Farley
Responses: Jackie DeGioia, Christina Doby, Lisa McConnell, Marie Ruhl, Deanne Webb
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/30/05

Cops: Damaged goods
Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Cop shop takes a big hit from prelim Matrix report; cops are unhappy with management, that union impasse probably isn't helping things either
-- both stories 07/29/05

Hopsicker responds to H-T
A few weeks back, the Herald-Trib gave some unfavorable press to local 9/11 writer Dan Hopsicker -- Hopsicker apparently is less than thrilled with the write-up
-- Mad Cow Morning News, 07/28/05

George Hunt's community board accused of theft by fellow board member
Not sure what to make of this, but it sure sounds strange
-- T.C. Palm, 07/28/05 (free registration required)

Patten's letter to the Gondo on The Steele Report
Self explanatory
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/29/05

City property tax rates to become more or less expensive, confusing
Less is more(?) -- just sign the check and figure it out later
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/27/05

Zoom, zoom, zoom
New zoning district request and simultaneous application for building within the district for Mike Miller's Manhattan Project scheduled to blur past zoning board next month, public may have to watch slow motion replay to catch it
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/27/05

No planes land at Venice airport
Continuing their in-depth coverage of what doesn't happen at Venice Airport, Gondo reveals that the airport doesn't actually have any planes, hangars or runways
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/24/05

Police warn of shortage of property and violent crimes
Low crime rate is causing severe donut shortage; police urge burglars and armed robbers to stop slacking or face growing competition from Hell's Grannies
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/23/05

Looks like the mayor got to this letter writer in mid-sentence
Don't dis Venice Regional and don't support Sarasota Memorial, at least not if you know what's good for you
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/24/05

Shakeout in V-town
Utils, public works heads to get a bump down, city to hire Public Services Czar at $100K to become the next fall guy; former Public Safety Czar Joe Slapp and former Computer Czar Steve Randall are polishing their resumes
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/24/05

Is Venice spending beyond its means?
Is the Pope Catholic? Do wild bears make poo in the woods?
"Size and spending habits of city government have grown faster than its population" -- Herb Levine surrenders; in other news, those Venice Avenue trees that we spent a half a million dollars on are looking spiffy
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/24/05

FOP responds to the Gondolier
Looks like the cops are frosted at the newspaper, too
-- Venice FOP, 07/21/05

Well, at least the City of North Port will take a stand when a Venice city employee gets screwed
Venice employee Mike Sellers claims he was taken to the cleaners by a building contractor, North Port revokes the contractor's license
-- North Port Sun-Herald, 07/23/05

Sewage at the airport: a question of quantity
FRONT PAGE: City stated no sewage or sludge was dumped at the airport, Venice Florida! dot com said a lot of it was dumped, Steele Report says some was dumped; Gondo's conclusion: no sewage was dumped, the city was telling the truth, Venice Florida! dot com was lying; logic surrenders
BURIED WITHIN PAPER: City was illegally dumping tainted soil at airport as originally reported on Venice Florida! dot com, city originally denied it happened; Gondo says sewage-tainted soil was dumped, city was telling the truth, Venice Florida! dot com was lying; logic eats gun, pulls trigger
BONUS TRAX, BURIED EVEN FURTHER: City recently pumped water from sewer spill at Patches Restaurant into storm drain for 24 hours and... oh look, a squirrel!!!
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/22/05

Cops get the municipal finger

Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Impasse declared in union negotiations
-- 07/19/05, 07/20/05

Employers say home prices are scaring off workers
The rumble before the fall
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/19/05

FOP cops discover the interweb
In an effort to bypass the media and reach the public directly about the union's conflict with the city manager, the FOP starts their own web site; special web-only feature -- get your advance orders in now for the 2006 nude VPD cop calendar
-- Venice FOP

Shun the frumious skateboarders
Skateboarders gyre and gimble in the wabe, Councilman Rick Tacy gets all mimsy about it; cops shrug, decide to outgrabe -- oh frabjous day, callooh, callay!!!
-- editorial Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/18/05

Death in Venice
Come to Venice -- try the fish!!!
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/17/05

Aw poop, can't ya take a joke?
Some folks are still sore about municipal prank, still see no humor in scat job done on city's only African-American church a few years back
-- letters, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/13/05

Speaking of poop, Venice comes up with a new euphemism in press releases to allay safety fears in sewage spills: "containment area" (second item)
At the Patches Restaurant job, the "containment area" was a storm drain that emptied into Hatchett Creek; a sewage break at city fire department HQ also had a "containment area" -- that one turned out to be a storm ditch next to the same creek; the new favored wacky phrase keeps turning up again and again in city press releases, local press accepts phrase without blinking
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/15/05

Mike Miller's Manhattan Project 2005 World Tour gets mixed reviews at city hall gig
Gondo story ||| Herald-Trib story
Developer's vision of a skyscraping downtown excites business community, causes dread in residents and Gondo publisher Bob Vedder; Herald-Trib covers event by answering the age-old question: boxers or briefs?
-- both 07/13/05

Dry t-shirt contests
Uhhhh... what???
-- Homestar Runner, 07/11/05

Skateboards headed for council
This oughtta be a riot... actually, that's not an unrealistic expectation
-- Venice Gondolier Sun 07/10/05

U.S. News and World Report: Sarasota Memorial Hospital one of 50 best in nation
Yo Quimby, I mean Calamaras -- you reading this?
Perhaps not-so coincidentally, Intel simultaneously puts Sarasota on their Top 100 list
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/09/05

Please don't do this in Venice, please don't do this in Venice
Aaaack -- MY EYES!!! Please don't do this in Venice
-- Epoch Times, 07/07/05

Herald-Trib sabotages Venice Florida! dot com's computer equipment
Lawyers will be called
-- letters, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 07/07/05

House? What House?
Oh that one? Nope, never saw it before
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/07/05

Cops to take one for the team
Union to consider city's latest offer
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/06/05

News source gets death threat
In following the spidery and confusing trail of Mohamed Atta in and out of Venice Florida, local journalist Dan Hopsicker has built up a sizable list of inside sources, one of whom just received a death threat from -- get this -- the former landlord of the Heaven's Gate cultists
-- Mad Cow Morning News, 06/28/05

Airport to increase mobile home lot fees
Article includes interesting data on the inequitable breakdown of who pays what to the airport for land rent; airport manager will be reviewing all airport leases, VGA stockholders heard laughing; VGA attorney Dan Boone points at his pants, says "audit this"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/03/05

Gulf Coast Community Foundation enters the land development business
500 homes could possibly be built on 146 acres and annexation talk is in the air -- somewhere, George Hunt is out there smiling
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/03/05

Cracking the real estate code
Your realtor is going to get the most for your house as that ups the commission -- right? Guess again; also, the true meaning of real estate ad keywords -- the realtors know what the words really mean, do you?
-- Wired, from May print issue

Mayor gets spanked
Mayor begs SM Hospital to stay out of town or at least to offer maternity services, SMH tells hizzonor to go fark himself; no explanation as to why Venice Regional, on which the mayor sits as a board member, won't offer the services that hizzonor says are so vitally needed
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/01/05

Tacy gets spanked
Letter 1 ||| Letter 2
Vox populi rises in anger over councilman's disdain for skateboarders
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 07/01/05

Our county commissioners are going to Hawaii and you get to pick up the tab
They won't be bringing you back a lousy t-shirt, either
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/30/05

Venice Regional Medical Center to get makeover?
"Like trying to put a sumo wrestler in Jessica Simpson's bikini bottoms" - ROTFLMAO
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/30/05

More U.S Supreme Court suckage
Not content with putting American homeowners at risk of losing their homes to money-grubbing developers and pocket-stuffing politicians, the court also recently decided to kill the internet
-- Wired, 06/29/05

It's official: The U.S. Supreme Court sucks
Near-universal condemnation of the court's decision to diminish eminent domain restrictions
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/29/05

Strong Bad makeover
You can't handle my style
-- Homestar Runner

Dense
City's top urban planner sends density up the flagpole to see who will salute; city manager carefully gauges reactions, says it really isn't his idea
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/26/05

Yeah, but just think of all the trees we can buy
City to get $2.5 million road money refund from county: "there is finally enough money to install a traffic signal"
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/26/05

Gary Anderson fires a blast at city hall over the proposed skateboard ban
And what's all this about careless and impaired driving?
-- letters, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/25/05

Uhhhh, Mike, you wanna try that again?
H-T gives a bit of a slap to developer Mike Miller for being a little too fast
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/25/05

New York City invokes Eminent Domain to acquire New Jersey
-- Watley Review, 06/21/05

Next up for council: Height limits and special exceptions, criminal environmental investigations, city-owned marina, union contracts and the creation of slum housing for city employees
Who needs a movie theater? The next few council meetings ought to provide one hell of a bang for your entertainment dollar
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/24/05

Two years after municipal scat job, church is almost ready to open its doors (again)
We'll believe it when we see it
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/23/05

Mayor tries to hold back breaking hospital dam by sticking finger in dike
Nervous gay and lesbian groups unavailable for comment
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/22/05

Venice declares war on its youth
Skateboarding, a main mode of transportation for those under the age of 16, may be outlawed entirely within city limits; best quote comes from Councilman Rick Tacy: "They don't want to have any rules they have to abide by"
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/22/05

Sarasota Memorial Hospital to Mayor Calamaras: Kindly pucker up to our collective posterior
Mayor opposes SMH moving into area based on his connection with competing medical center, SMH reacts to the tinpot tyrant by ignoring him
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/21/05

What do Tom Delay and Jack Abramoff have in common with former Venice resident Mohamed Atta?
Dan Hopsicker connects the Republican Party to mob-run gambling boats and the 9/11 terrorists in his latest installment
-- Mad Cow Morning News, 06/21/05

H-T applauds Senators Martinez and Nelson for protecting Florida's coast from oil drilling
Editorial warns that other similar initiatives are likely, urges the pair to stay vigilant
-- editorial, Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/19/05

Tacy thinks skateboarders are a menace
Uhhhh, Rick -- about that "careless driving" ticket
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/19/05

Simmonds explains council's silence on hospital issue
All may not be as harmonious on the dais as folks have supposed
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/19/05

Attack of the drones
VTL member Norm Lupo and School Superintendent Gary Norris to face off in debate -- state corrections looking at mandatory attendance as a possible alternative for lethal injection
-- Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 06/18/05

Miller's Manhattan Project gets Boone-doggled, hits PR (and possible legal) snafu
Story 1: City attorney: Laws may have been broken
Story 2: Rezoning app flies in under the radar
Developer Mike Miller ties his boat to the Boone law firm's dock, can't understand why public suddenly doesn't trust him
(alternate headline: "When a Boone hits your eye with a suckerpunch fly, that's rezoning")
-- Venice Gondolier Sun, 06/17/05

Sarasota County is full of s**t
Sewage spill